Cheap Drinks and Lousy Food
Somewhere along Highway 212, in the middle of nowhere, you’ll pass the Stoneville saloon.
It’ll be on the right as you pass through Alzada, Montana, heading south-east towards the state line with South Dakota. You’ll most likely pass it by, glance at it, then reverse and step inside. Blink and you’ll miss it. It’s that kind of place. Alzada had a population of just 14, at the last count in 2022 with just this bar and a gas station the only business’s in town.
This place is as raw as it gets. ‘Cheap Drinks – Lousy Food’. The slogan above the entrance is well renown, mostly among the biker fraternity. Over recent years it’s accrued a niche collection of fans, mostly ‘nomadic’, from across the globe. The spit and sawdust interior with a bar that was originally constructed for a Deadwood saloon in 1865, give all the impression you’ve stepped through a time-warp as you cross the threshold. Canned foods on display offering such delicacies as Mashed Maggots, Road Kill Stew, and Sheep Assholes make you think twice about ordering food. The Men’s Room is plastered with Playboy pin-ups of naked women while ape-hanger handlebars adorn the urinals. Seat belts are mounted on the toilets and the Ladies Room is decorated with male pin-ups (so I was told!). All the comforts of home, though probably not the best place to bring well brought up young children.
The ramshackle building has been a saloon since 1939 and Diane, the proprietor, likes it this way. She’s a serious biker queen, and not one to argue with. A former beach babe from California she took over the reins, or should I say handlebars, of the Stoneville, over 30 years ago with her then partner. “He’s long gone” she says, “But I’m still here”, despite the fact that for 51 weeks of the year the place is virtually empty – “Just a few ranchers and the occasional tourist passing through.” That all changes the first week of August when the place is over run with visitors to the annual Sturgis Motorcycle Rally. “I make enough money in ten days to survive the rest of the year” declares Diane.
The Stoneville embodies the biker bar. As one annual visitor proudly puts it, “It’s historic. A great hangout and a definite biker destination. Cheap drinks, good food, and Diane is one of the most interesting characters you will meet in Montana.”
While I might still take issue with a bikers taste in food, with over 500,000 bikers attending the Sturgis Rally each year, the Stoneville has established itself as a regular watering hole, with a nice 60 mile spin on the Harley guaranteed to whet a riders appetite for those cheap drinks and that lousy food.
More information for the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally can be found here: https://sturgis.com/
The Sturgis Motorcycle Rally is the largest in the world. Held annually in Sturgis, South Dakota, and the surrounding Black Hills region for 10 days during the first week of August, it attracts over 500,000 people and generates $800 million in revenue.
